Thoughts in a coffee shop:

If I can't Love me- then how do I expect to Let You?! Someday I will be the gray-haired dame sipping on words from the paper and digesting coffee and pastries. Contemplating- the long lost suitors who had once fallen for my young charms and wondering, "where they had all gone?" I will remain in loneliness. It's funny to me in a tragic way because I can see it all so clearly unfolding before my eyes. Hind-sight is 20/20 but my future seems 20/19. I can see it all happening. I can see myself deconstructing every ounce of potential you have in my eyes. I am easily amused, yet constantly distracted. Positivity radiates from my smile and actions YET- adding someone extra to the equation seems to inevitably weigh me down. Ball and Chain seems imminent to me. So eager to find love, just to have the opportunity to tear it to shreds. I cannot love myself. Years of self inflicted abuse and neglect have ruined me in this area. Such loving parents: Such a stable family: How did I end up so effed up? It has been years since I have taken the time, energy, and focus to write. I miss you outlet. My left hand holds delicately and slides eagerly across the page. My hand tires trying to maintain speed with my brain. Pain, calluses- unimportant side effects of this drug. These thoughts must escape me- suppressed too long they are flooding... rushing... running wild... Momentary Honesty bestows me. It's been a while. Hello Me :) Hello Beautiful demented little twisted ol' me... We should do this more often :) Priceless: this random man just passed by me smiled and said "Your head is about to explode isn't it?" Why YES SIR IT ISSS!... KA BOOOOOM! :)