(Written Spring 2010, Prublished Summer 2011)
Chess: Two opposing sides of 'men' both eagerly awaiting movement to execute chaos and reaction. So quickly the tables can turn in this game of thought, movement, and strategy.
Pawn, Rook, Bishop, Knight, Queen & King...
confined to a playing board where one wrong move can be the end of your rule.
Chess forces the receptors of our brains to devise plans and solve problems. Make a strategy, stay focused, and remain patiently waiting as your opponent does the same. Chess has been related to life quite often, but earlier today I nonchalantly referenced chess- to love. It was an innocent statement:
"If love is a game of chess- you just put me in check."
Simple- little depth, but not much. I more liked the way it sounded than what it meant... well at first.
As my mind so often does, it started to wander in and out of the consonants and vowels of the statement I had constructed. I allowed my feet to stumble through the paths of my thought process. My toes wanted to delve into the crevices of the thick grass of it's every possible meaning. Cool, unknown, almost uncomfortably moist, but refreshing. Could my subconscious pen have written something deeper than even I could comprehend? A moment of vulnerability flooded my upper body. "Curb this- get your feet out! Stop thinking for once and sit still!!" the mother: my mind yelled at the child: my lower appendages. So I sat. An emotional bench, if you will, of protection. Toes curled up, just to tease the tips of the green blades of glorious ungrazed carpeting.
I think a lot.
Too much in fact.
And many times when I catch myself thinking about particular things, I force myself to stop it.
Love Does Not Exist- not for me at least...
well that's at least what I've been brainwashing myself to believe.
I see it in other people all around me. True, undoubted, undying love and devotion. My sister and her husband, my parents who have wrangled a mere 33 years together, best friends... the list continues... but not for me.
I love in a different way: I'm quite good at it too, spreading my love around and making people happy. But making just ONE person happy for the rest of FOREVER seems beyond my scope. We will tire of each other! Exhausted with this single game we are playing for the remainder of our days! It's like a game of risk that just WILL NOT CEASE!
.. . . . . ........right?
Oh no...
the toes,
are heading back into the grass...
For my own good,
I'm thinking:
I need to continue-
on this journey of reason and rhyme.
"If love is a game of chess- you just put me in check."
In context the back story of this comment is reasonably important:
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and he was trying to win me over in some way or another. He said something that I liked and I said this... He then responded with me by saying "Well then I guess all I have to do is seal the deal then, huh?" At the sound of this I kind of did a mini freak out session, like I do best. And responded to him by saying something to the effect of "No I have layers of protection that have my back and will protect me from you!
Pawns! Rooks! Bishops, Knights, and my QUEEN!
You will never catch me, never check mate me. I've built these walls to keep you [and everyone] out."
I don't believe in love. I just can't allow myself to do that.
