Addictions: round 1

"I remember the single moment that my addiction began. The moment it took hold of me and has never seemed to loosen its grasp since. The threads of it pull tighter around me at certain times more than others- wraps it's laces around me and draws me in.

I Blame it on Her.

It's her Fault. My issue, but her Fault.

The moments I spend in its tantalizing presence reminds me of her and it makes me feel closer to her. I spend extensive periods of time thinking of how she would love to see all the colors and detail that were so carefully crafted. She would be impressed, just as impressed as me in fact.

The cabinet was old, dusty in parts but when I walked in the room and stumbled upon it- it seemed to glow. It radiated elegance... substance... creativity and its luxe lured me in closer. It was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.

They were tiny, but perfect.

I wanted them all to be real- leather, stitched, with tassels and all of their magnificent details. I wished they were large enough that I could slip my toes into their bellies and parade them about so everyone could marvel at them as I was. I wanted to be able to use them and love them like they deserved like they were purposed. But these were not leather, nor could they be worn by even a doll.

Porcelain, Clay, and even Glass they were tiny 2 inch figurines of what could be marvelous shoes.

She gave me my favorite one, my grandmother did that is. She passed on her addiction to me. Shoes. It's all about shoes." I wrote this two years ago as a writing assignment and found it today. This entry is dedicated to Marian Sawvel, my grandmother who passed away mid 2009 of brain cancer. In her last days I found this writing and read it to her. It made her smile that I blamed it all on her, and she told me that she was proud to have passed on the addiction to me. When she passed away I received almost all of her tiny shoes- but now days I've moved onto real sized specimens. With over 80 pairs of shoes in my closet I like to think that my grandma smiles that sly smile every time I buy a new pair.